now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
