people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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