im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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