His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize