"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
