You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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