You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
