I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
