i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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