apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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