I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
