so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
