your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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