I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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