so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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