He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
where are my eyebrows?
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