Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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