Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
