I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
