Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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