he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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