drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
God I need to hump something, right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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