I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
