Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
