and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
