Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
