You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
