I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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