help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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