there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
