Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
