Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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