Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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