Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
