i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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