You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
