it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
