that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So vagazzling was a success
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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