You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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