Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
