Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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