Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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