It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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