Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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