OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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