Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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