First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
