wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
