We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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