I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
