you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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