It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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