Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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