well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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