imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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