I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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