Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
