I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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