guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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