i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
