what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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