all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
