Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i've created a new STD.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
