You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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