Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
