I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have tasted many bathrooms
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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