i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
